From the desk of Brian Nelson, Academic Dean:

I had the opportunity to visit with an upper school parent a few days ago about this very topic.  She said that, although difficult, she and her husband decided to step back and allow their daughter to own her education even if it meant that she experienced failure.  This is a bold statement.  Our culture speaks against this practice. We are told to protect our children at all cost. Reduce discomfort.  Remove hurdles.  Decrease challenges.  Even other parents reflect this belief. (Bless his heart…if only his parents cared enough to help him.)  With the momentum of the world moving in one direction, these parents have decided to swim upstream.  I genuinely respect them, and interestingly enough, research supports their stance.

What if we as parents allowed our children to learn to handle rejection and failure before we sent them to make it on their own?  This is exactly what researchers at the College Board advocate.  In addition to creating tests like the PSAT and SAT, this organization also studies the characteristics of successful college students.  They have determined that in addition to rigorous academic preparation, the students who thrive at the college level are the students who are open to trying something that might end in failure and possess the ability to accept critical feedback and make adjustments.  These students actively seek out internships, do not intentionally avoid difficult courses, professors, or majors, and do not automatically drop classes after realizing that they will need to work hard to be successful.  They have grit.  They have resilience.  They succeed.

It is also extremely important to note that God promises struggles.  He uses them to mold, grow, and prepare us. Our growth is more important to Him than our comfort.  “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:4).  If we reduce our child’s struggles, are we hindering God’s preparation of them?

Resilient people persevere when times get tough.  Isn’t this what we want for our kids?  I challenge you to consider taking advantage of opportunities now to help guide your children through tough situations without rescuing them and never allowing them to learn how to deal with struggles.  Allow them to take challenging classes even if it means that they might not make an A.  Allow them to plan, complete, and submit a project without you as their project manager.  Allow them to accept responsibility for not studying.  When the stakes are higher in college and life, you will be glad you did.

*Research taken from The Development of a Multidimensional College Readiness Index (Wiley, Wyatt, & Camara, 2010).