From the desk of Tammy Hayes, Middle School Principal:

Once upon a time there lived several children between the ages of eleven and fourteen. They all went to school together in a quaint little East Texas town where not much really ever went wrong. They played together nicely, skipping to class and laughing at each other’s jokes, even when they weren’t very funny. They smiled all the time, included everyone, and life was pretty much perfect. They loved their teachers who in turn loved them back unconditionally and always made sure they knew it. They listened intently to every word any adult spoke to them with great anticipation and a burning desire to learn all they could while attending the happy little place. It was a beautiful world and all was just as it should be.

-The End.

What’s not to love about that story? It’s one thing to read a paragraph out of that story, but what if that were the entire story for twelve chapters? Every chapter, describing the utopia of all possible schools. Who could stick with it? Who would care to read it? What’s the point in a perfect place with perfect people and perfect endings every time?

Where I live everyday has its moments of perfection, don’t get me wrong. But, don’t be fooled, middle school folly is always just around the corner of happy and healthy. I have compared being in the middle to bumper cars at the fair. They are so much fun, but the object is to bump into things. That is actually the point of the ride. I think middle school is the same way with the same objective if you think about it. What is learned without conflict?

If I tell you a happy story with happy characters and happy ending, but it is void of conflict, then it is completely boring and you would probably agree that it was a waste of time to read. Whoever reads a story full of nothing dangerous, nothing risky, nothing difficult, nothing exceptional, nothing tragic, nothing problematic, nothing exaggerated, ruined, or desperate? No one. Ever. Conflict is the necessary element in any story worth its salt.

As Christ followers attempting to follow Him, we are subject to bumping into a lot of conflict if we truly take the Bible to be true. It says we will have trouble and to expect it. So, then, what does conflict have to do with this week’s blog about the 5 Qualities of Well- rounded Kids? Well, before I answer that question, let’s look at the last few weekly topics:

Well-Rounded Middle School Students:

1. Move through the middle school with relatively little upset.      

2. Smile more than they scowl

3. Are still very much a child and don’t feel the pressure to be an adult.                                            

If you read those qualities out of context or each one on its own, you might begin to think that I am advocating that it is possible to have a perfect child if you just do the right things. That is completely false. Just like the fake story above, perfection doesn’t exist. Perfect is not a word that should ever be in the same sentence with parenting, unless of course it is this one.

This week’s topic will prove my point that students aren’t perfect, and we shouldn’t ever expect them to be. Instead, this week’s quality is one that demands wrongdoing, because what I’ve noticed about well-rounded kids, is that:

4) They are willing to accept responsibility for their wrong actions.

They are quick to admit fault or apologize when they make a mistake.  They do not even think of blaming their mistake on someone else or on their age.  Sad to report, this is not always true of parents, however. Many parents are quick to excuse the mistakes of their children and blame their indiscretions on some external force, i.e. another student (most commonly used) or on difficult/unavoidable situations, such as late night travel team games, unexpected company, or dealing with split-family drama. While all of these are legitimate reasons why a student might react in anger toward a classmate, choose to cheat, or decide to skip class, they are still circumstantial and a student’s decision to do the wrong thing in response to them is still bedded in disobedience and rebellion.

I have had many opportunities to interact with students on the backside of such behaviors. Without fail, the well-rounded ones are not exempt from having been caught; yet, they are characteristically willing to admit it when they are reprimanded, and found repentant having learned a great lesson in integrity that will take them far in the future. It’s not that they don’t do wrong things. I think that is key. It is that they recognize it when they do as the golden moment. They admit it, and they care about making it right. These type of students are like finding a needle in a haystack. They themselves are golden, in my book. These are the kids that I know will grow up to be solidly strong citizens, able to make a difference in the world around them. They are not worried so much about their image, being right, or being vindicated. They are just really sorry they made a mistake and want to make it right. They accept the consequences we have put into place to help them remember next time to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do.

At The Brook Hill School, we consider that students are in the process of becoming what God has for them to be and that the middle school years are definitely their chance for maturing significantly.  We try to help them understand that making poor choices are a normal part of growing up.  We attempt to teach them how to to self-govern, how to apologize for wrong doing, and how to make restitution when needed. We talk to them about our state as sinful man, the reality that we are all broken and in need of a savior, and that we can rest in knowing that he forgives us and restores us when we repent if we are indeed his child. There is no shame heaped on them, nor anger lashed out in punishments, nor banishment from the kingdom, nor are they forever ignored for making a mistake. Instead our goal is redemption and restoration.

At Brook Hill, we attempt this process in the form of meaningful conversations, appropriate consequences, and traceable steps to make it right. Finally, we try to provide instruction on how to move on until they bump into something else.

So, what do we do with the conflict when we realize our children have sinned? We can’t avoid it, forget about it, ignore it, or excuse it. We can’t be shocked by it, stay in the bed over it, or try to protect them from the consequences of it. Nor should we fear it, or grow weary from it.  We have only one choice really; we have to walk bravely into it with them every time! We have to expect it will come, accept our role to help guide them through it, and pray they grow up just a little more because of it.  And, luckily as parents of a like-minded community, we can glean from one another for help through it, if we dare.

We have to remember that it is the most important part of their story because the setting, the plot, and the falling action are all lost without its existence. The rest of the story has no meaning without conflict, wrongdoing, or sin. There is nothing to be rescued from, to win anyone over to, or to guide anyone through without wrongdoing.  It is in this trouble that they will recognize and be convinced of their need for Jesus Christ in order to live out their faith. This is our call as Christian parents and educators far above making sure they win the state championship, get an A on their essay, or wow the audience with their amazing voice.

It’s life in the middle; it’s fun, it’s dangerous, it’s difficult, it’s problematic, it’s exaggerated, it’s laborious, it’s glorious, it’s providential, it’s beautiful, and it’s a really wonderful ride. What I believe most about it, is that it’s all worth it!

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!