From the desk of Wally Dawkins, Athletic Director:

I frequently hear about the difficulties in teaching…coaching…and parenting Middle School age students.

By the age of 12-13 years, it seems that in the blink of an eye that your sweet, dependent, needy youngster has all of sudden turned into a complete stranger.  Simultaneously, as a parent, your I.Q. has suddenly plummeted, you are no longer cool or funny, and possibly not even worthy of sharing the same room to watch TV.  The cell phone has now garnished the attention of most of these newly crowned teenagers, and things like Snapchat, Instagram, and “Vines”, are as clear as your ability to understand Urdu.  Not to even mention PlayStation or X-Box.

Middle School aged kids can be frustrating and challenging for parents.

For me, working with the Middle School Boys Basketball Team at Brook Hill these past two years has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of my coaching career.  I will share with you a simple secret later in this article as to how your dealings with this “alien” can be equally enjoyable.

I have learned a lot over the years from the people who have gone before me. Many of the strategies that I have developed in dealing with young people have come from coaches and teachers who, believe it or not, are even older than myself. Maybe it is because of their shared wisdom, that coaching Middle School athletes has been so fun for me.

I have found that Middle Schoolers are very impressionable and if you can get their attention, will hang on your every word.  I enjoy seeing them get “big-eyed” when I tell them of the past players I have coached and some stories regarding athletics.  I am fortunate to have Kyle Ford, one of my former outstanding players at Whitehouse on our basketball coaching staff.  Our players really admire Coach Ford and by being able to use him as an example really resonates with these youngsters.

I have also discovered how trusting these 12-14 year olds can be, so it is incredibly important that honesty and transparency is the standard.  It is crucial that I be careful with them when I tell them past tales that I don’t exaggerate the facts.  And I must admit, that is a challenge for me.

Middle School age students…athletes…you know…the alien, will believe what you tell them initially, but in the long run, you just can’t fool kids.

I also know from experience that this age group really wants to please their parents, teachers, and coaches.  They really want to… it just doesn’t always look like that’s the case. Sometimes in their brain…the lines get a little blurred and although the compass can be pointed towards E, they are actually drifting off in a westward direction.  By recognizing this, it gives me as their coach, or you as the parent, the ability to seize this off-course movement, and pour a dose of right direction into them using carefully chosen words that are intended to steady the ship’s course.  I relish these opportunities with our MS boys’ basketball players, while anxiously waiting to see the results.

OK…now for the secret I promised about dealing with Middle Schoolers.

This might sound somewhat rough around the edges…insensitive…hard hearted…but it’s tried and true.

Middle School children just want to know this simple one thing: Who is the boss?

Once they determine, who is in charge…who is calling the shots…who is the “end all”…once they figure this out, you will be surprised as to what will happen next.  On the flip side, when they don’t know “who the boss is”, they begin to actively take on that role for themselves.  And if that happens, the results can be, well…disastrous.

Along with the knowing who the boss is, those of us who deal with these highly impressionable, super sensitive, sometimes moody children also need to remember that when you are 13 going on 21, affirmation is also extremely important.  When I say affirmation I am referring to genuine affirmation that recognizes any and all positive aspects of a Middle School child’s life.  Underneath that “Simonized” exterior of cool, confident, and calloused shell, is more times than not what truthfully amounts to self-doubt, confusion, and vulnerability.

I have so much fun with my Middle School basketball players that sometimes I can’t believe that my career has stooped so high.  I feel blessed each and every day that I am able to let them know “who’s boss” while at the same time looking for opportunities to genuinely affirm their strengths and potential.

So…the next time you feel like you are having to be Will Smith as you find yourself dealing with creatures you have never seen before, try implementing consistently the two techniques referred to above.  You just might be surprised as to the results.

And that’s another reason to be “ALL ORANGE…All The Time”!