From the desk of Tammy Hayes, Middle School Principal:

Picking up with #2 in our list of top 5 qualities most often seen in well-rounded kids, we see that they smile more than they scowl.

Well-rounded middle school students are most often found enjoying their day, not enduring it. Somehow these kids are quick to laugh, share a fun story, and be silly with their peers. They are eager to engage in the lesson with the teacher and discussions are characterized by positive and light-hearted conversations. They aren’t sitting around bored; they are content. I’ve noticed that these kiddos are often telling stories about their time with their parents around last night’s dinner table, going camping or hiking, playing board games, seeing movies together, and spending time with grandparents or other extended family. When I did a little research as to what contributes to this type of perspective in the life of a tween, I found that students who typically continue to have daily interaction with their parents were more likely to say they were happy or content.

This caused me to reflect on some of the major road marks of parenting and how with each one comes a different role. I remember the first time we went to get in the car to take a trip as a family and no one needed a car seat. It felt like we had won the lottery. I was pretty sure that as parents, we had arrived!

There are other milestones that as you arrive at them, you may get this false sense of being free, not needed, or “done” with your parenting role. One such milestone is when your elementary kiddo moves on to middle school. They are pottying and dressing on their own, making it from one class to the next seemingly without issues, interacting with their peers, and showing up again at night for dinner. They act like they no longer want you to tuck them in, they are desperate for a cell phone, and they really don’t need or want your help with much at all.

While this is all developmentally typical behavior important for their maturity and socialization, it is definitely a false representation of what’s actually needed according to much of the research prevalent today on tweens and their unique station in life. Jim Williams, Brentwood-based author of Parenting on Point (Microsoft Reader) and frequent lecturer and teacher of parenting courses throughout the state, redirects us to consider this truth:

“We nurture the heck out of elementary kids, but we need to continue even more with middle schoolers – just in a different way. Between 10 and 14 is the last real opportunity we have to cement values.”

Williams goes on in his article to give some very tangible tools to help practically move into a different season and role with your tween and help them maneuver the difficult terrain that is part of this leg of their journey. He gives a lot of concrete help to remind us to consider that they are still very needy, but a different approach is needed. He offers help with three parts of our middle-of-the-road parenting including understanding what is normal to them developmentally, recognizing the fast-paced world in which they are growing up, and minimizing rebellion. I highly recommend following this link and taking a few minutes to read this article. It is insightfully written and very practical in its approach.

So when you feel the pressure to leave them be and let them hide out in their room, make decisions about what’s best, always let them be with their friends or have friends over, or come up with something to entertain them while you do what you want, remember that you are very much still needed; you are a part of the formula for a well-rounded and content tweenager. Your decision to stay involved and stay close will help them feel the needed point of connection, give them the safest place possible to ask hard questions, and provide a sense of security that they are indeed still very much loved and needed in your world as well.

Bottom line, whether you are needed to redirect them in the moment or to provide an extra measure of love and acceptance, your presence of mind and body makes a huge difference that is often recognizable in their tween world.

Blessings on another week of parenting in the middle!

I have listed some resources below that I found very helpful:

http://www.nashvilleparent.com/development/how-to-handle-a-preteenhttp://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/tweens

Next Week’s #3 of 5 Noticeable Qualities of Well-Rounded Kids

They are still very much a child, and don’t feel the pressure to be an adult!