From the desk of Kris Mathis, Academic Counselor for Boarding:

I am as guilty as the next parent (as my mother was before me) of having aspirations for my son (and his sisters before him).  I had the track of their lives all laid out in neat little rows in my head and all they had to do was listen to me and follow the road map I had drawn.  But, what I had to learn to accept is that they often have their own dreams and goals and quite often those conflicted with the ones I had for them.  As a career educator I even find myself having to guard against this with the students I work with daily because I know their background and their family history and it is easy to make judgments based on that information alone and not take into account any thoughts the students may have.

I wanted to encourage you to push aside your hopes and dreams for your child and take the time to sit with them and ask them that age old question…  “What do you want to do when you grow up?”  It is of course a great idea to share any thoughts you have on the subject with them.  After all, with the possible exception of themselves nobody knows them better; and, you do have a great deal more life experience to bring to the conversation that they will benefit from.  Sometimes this question is a bit overwhelming for students so you may instead opt for smaller questions to get them thinking such as:

1. What things give your life meaning?
2. What things bring you pleasure?
3. What are your strengths?
4. Visualize your retirement party. Attending are the key people from each role in your life.  List each of these roles and the key people in them as well as how you would want each of these people to describe you and the influence you had on his or her life.  What do you want to be remembered for?
5. What are you doing when you are at your best?
6. What are you doing when you are at your worst?
7. What do you consider to be your most important contribution to others?
8. Are there things you feel you should do, even though you may have dismissed such thoughts many times? If so what are they?
9. Imagine you could invite five people to dinner who have influenced you most (past or present). List them and record the qualities or attributes you admire most in them.
10. If you had an unlimited amount of time and resources, what would you choose to do?
11. What is your greatest aspiration?
12. What do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
13. What sound or noise do you love?
14. What sound or noise do you hate?
15. What profession other than your own would you most like to attempt?
16. What profession would you not like to try?
17. What is a question you wish I would ask you that I have not?

This conversation is often put off until after college plans are made or at the very least is often confronted simultaneously with the college application process (but often then only because students are asked on the application to choose a major).  While I was working for Texas A & M about one third of our freshman class annually wanted to declare engineering as a major  which meant every year there were about 9,000 students we would have to go to and help choose another major once engineering was full.  It always amazed me how many of those students when I asked why do you want to be an engineer responded “because my family always says I am good in math and engineers make a lot of money”.  That is not the right reason to choose a major in college much less the profession for your lifetime!  To be a success at whatever you do you have to enjoy it.  If you do not it will be impossible to push yourself as hard or for as long as you have to be the best you can be in your chosen field.

The other advantage having these conversations early and often can bring is it allows you and your student to do research into all of the different paths of study that will qualify them to pursue that career.  There is rarely only one major that is required for a given profession.  If a student knows all of their options then they can choose a major to fit their career aspirations that also is made up of the set of classes which gives them the greatest chance at success.  Similarly, they can find the colleges that have the best track records at preparing people in the field they choose instead of just choosing a university based on name recognition or reputation.

While ultimately hopefully every student will have an epiphany about what they should do with their life and where they should pursue their post – secondary education the chances of them having this experience are greatly improved if they take action.  Certainly a great deal of thought and prayer should be involved but if we are honest with ourselves how many teenagers really give this kind of time and thought to something that is five to ten years in the future.  So, that is why I would encourage you as parents not to beat them over the head with the subject but rather to look for those teachable moments when you are sitting at a ballgame, working on the car, watching a television show the whole family enjoys, going out for mother daughter manicure and pedicures, or just out for dinner to talk about your students hopes and dreams, their future, and maybe to ask one or two of these types of questions to get them thinking and give them a gentle nudge.  They will not only get to know themselves better but you will get to know them better too.  Most importantly you can become partners in planning a future you are both excited about.